Ok. I admit it. I am terrified to write.
So what am I doing with a blog you might ask?
I have 2 answers for that.
First. I want to get my words out there, I want to be heard, I want to leave a different kind of footprint. I have always loved to write, whether it be short story, poetry, essays, etc. Words bring me comfort and it is away for me to declutter my mind or unburden my heart.
Second. I want to overcome my writing anxieties.
Here is the big BUT. It is not so easy for me for other people to read what has been going on in my head and heart. It makes me feel too vulnerable. Too exposed. I have this irrational feeling that people will judge me negatively or misunderstand how I put these words together. I have this fear that I'll be seen as too soppy or too opinionated. I can't stop thinking my own words or thoughts will be good enough to be read or heard.
I have no qualms editing or rewriting other peoples work. I have all the tools, training and common sense to make what was given to me more coherent or comprehensible. I can break down, rearrange, and improve other peoples ideas on paper. But given the chance to actually contribute my work though articles, I shudder in fear. I've let go of so many opportunities to get published, all because I do not have confidence in what I can do.
I know people have told me before that I have a talent with words, that I'm lucky it comes natural to me. Don't I believe them? I do. But my head is at war with itself. Any day I may say I can do it, I might post a status in Facebook or a creative caption in Instagram. Most days I just scribble in my journal and then squirrel it away. I envy those who are brave in letting the world read their piece.
All this brings me to the conclusion that despite of my deep reluctance, I have to be brave enough to at least try. I hope this blog will bear witness to my journey, growth, and courage to not just be a writer, but be the person I am supposed to be with all the talents I have at my disposal.
Labels: blog, life, lifestyle, writer
